Post Natal Blues

After giving birth to my son, Xavier, I felt very happy. But at the same time, I became very emotional. I easily cry over the slightest things. I even cried over Xp's refusal to suckle when I nurse him. I felt like he doesn't like me. I can't explain the feeling but it felt like I was so alone. The feeling was so negative that I had fears that I may not be giving my best care to my little one.

My husband noticed these changes in my moods. He knew something was wrong. So, he consulted the internet for answers. He learned that I had the "baby blues".

Mood disturbances is experienced by mostly 80% of women after giving birth. Some of these feelings go away on their own. But for some women, a more disabling form of mood disorder may occur called Postpartum Depression. Feelings vary from being upset, lonely, afraid and in rare cases, unloving feeling towards their baby. Symptoms include depressed mood, tearfulness, trouble sleeping, fatigue, loss of appetite, suicidal thoughts, feelings of inadequacy as a parent, and impaired concentration. This type of disorder interferes with the ability of a woman to take care of her baby.

Postpartum Psychosis is the most serious Postpartum Depression and requires immediate treatment. In worst cases, women having this disorder tend to kill their infants and young ones not for feelings of anger, but for the desire of not to harm them. Symptoms include sleeping problems, anxiety and mood swings. Reasons for having such depression has not been pinpoint. Hormone imbalance is thought to be the culprit causing this. Other risk factors may be mental illness, stress, and miscarriage.

After knowing all this, my husband talked to me. He comforted me of my anxieties and fears. I cried everything to him. I was just thankful he was around that time to notice the stress I was going through. He went on a short vacation just to be with me after my giving birth. I am also thankful to our families and friends who supported us in every way. I thanked them so much. Being felt loved and cared for made all the difference. I just feel so blessed.

Happy pregnancy

Missed my period on February. I knew it! I was pregnant. Mixed emotions. But for most of the part I am very happy and excited. But first things first. I need to confirm this. So, I asked my husband to buy a pregnancy test kit. And walah! Positive. In nine months time, I am going to be a mommy. :)

The thing is we wanted to wait at least a year before we have a baby. But since the baby came this early in our marriage, who are we to not accept God's gift. I thought most couples out there wait for years to have a baby. Most certainly, this is a blessing for us.

Some women are fortunate to not deal with morning sickness at all, while others will feel nauseous throughout most of their pregnancy. I am one of the lucky few who did not experience this. Just like my Mama. One of my female officemates would always say that she envy me for not feeling any dizziness or discomfort. She would often tease that I am just lying about being pregnant.

When most pregnant woman crave for chocolates and ice cream, I have strong desires of eating white food like dishes with sotanghon and misua and buko. I also enjoy cooking my own meals. My favorite is chicken sotanghon soup. I also ate a lot of pasta, fruits and vegetables. The only junked food I remembered I craved that time is french fries. Hehe But for most of my food intake, I am very conscious. I would always think if what I am going to intake will be beneficial for my growing baby. I diligently visited the OB for consultations to make sure the baby is growing healthy inside me.

My entire pregnancy went breezy. Had no worries, major problems and discomfort. As the months past, I patiently waited for my growing baby. I was so excited to see how he'd look, smile and laugh. Who would he take after, me or his daddy. There are times that the excitement was so high and I feel like the days are passing by so slow.

Finally, the day came. October 5, 2010. 9:12am at the Mission Hospital. The moment he came out, the doctor placed him in my breast. The sight of him was ecstatic. He was so beautiful and I love him so much. We named our little angel, Xavier Paul Pascual. Below is a picture of him in the nursery:

More about my little boy on my next blog.

Ciao!

Our story

2009 since I started this project. OMG! its already 2010 and still no post or blog. hahaha

Well, its not too late to start, right? Let me continue our story.:)

Met each other November 6, 2004..my bestfriend Paonessa asked me to accompany her to his friend's birthday party in Pasig. It was a Saturday so I decided to join her. We got introduced. Nothing special on the first meeting. At least for my end. Not sure on his story. Our next meeting was on November 11, same year. I met with Paonessa, not knowing that she will also meet Lojen. The truth is Lojen asked Paonessa to call me so he can see me again. Oopps honey, don't deny it. haha Anyways, we ate dinner at Mcdo. The table we are seated is shaky so as he placed our tray of orders..the cup of sprite suddenly slipped and poured over me! He was very apologetic about it. And me? I was just laughing. Who should I blame right? Besides, it was an accident..not unless he really intended that to happened. You'd be thinking if I met with him again after that..I most certainly did! We had our second date..without Paonessa of course. :) and the next, and the next..that is how i met my hubby, Lojen.

We have been a couple since December 2004. Like any other couple out there, we had our own share of ups and downs. Since his work requires him to be out of the country all the time, we had to share a long-distance love affair. And it was not easy. As for my part, I was not really into this type of relationship but for him I made an exemption. But we did surpass all that. The love we had for each other made our ties stronger. Of course, we had God in the center who helped us.

My next blog would be about our wedding and how we prepared for it..it was exhausting though rewarding in the end. :)

Ciao!

Just wondering

Why is that everytime we are broken-hearted or hurting on love..we end up listening on love songs and senti-songs on the radio? Is it an automatic response to the hurt that we feel inside or is it plain torture? hahaha isn't it weird? You know that you are hurt and you still want to feel it even more by subjecting yourself to more reminiscing and thinking.....I'm guilty of this. har har har Maybe we just wanted to burst in tears so that the tears could wash away what we are feeling....Maybe we wanted to reminisce on the moments that we have shared with the one person we loved but betrayed us and hurt us. But funny isn't it that we can never learn that we actually loved not unless we get hurt. I think hurting is all part of the "loving process". It just makes perfect sense. How can you actually appreciate beauty if you can't see the ugly part of it?

But the hell! Why cry more and more right? I'm no hypocrite to say that I didn't cried my heart out when I was broken before. I took a couple of drinks and lots of chocolate eating..that made a big difference..hahaha friends also helps. Their moral support gives you that confidence that you can make it through. Take note: these are not just people who listens to you. Listening is good but it is even better if you help the person out. Suggest something! Don't act like a sponge. Another factor is the attitude! That is spelled as Y - O - U. "attitude". Know in yourself that you can will make it through. "I can make it through the rain.." Sing it with conviction. Easier said than done. But there's no other way..either you stay down or you stand up and say to the world, "I'm a survivor!"..

Ciao!

Old School

One time sumama ako sa simba ng mga kaofficemate ko..every Wednesday naman talaga nagsisimba sila dito sa office (CTPT). Ngayon lang naman ako sumasama-sama sa simba nila. Hindi naman kasi ako ganun ka religious. I'm Catholic or pseudo-Catholic. Or RC as may college friend said (Roman Catholic). Maybe because, one, my parents were not that religious also. Nagsisimba lang sila usually pag Pasko, Birthdays and other special occasions. Secondly, kasi we went kasi to a BornAgain School. From Grade I to First Year High School. Me and my 2 siblings. Lam mo bang I had my first communion at age 14? Namulat lang kami sa Catholic Faith practices nung 2^nd Year High School na kami. Kasi nagtransfer na kami ng Catholic School.

Going back, kasi lumalayo na tayo..Pagdating namen nagsesermon na si Father. As what I can recall dun sa sermon, humility yung focus ni Father.

Humility is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modestperson, someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others. Synonym: humble

The term "humility" is derived from the Latin word "humilis", which is translated not only as humble but also alternatively as "low", or "from the earth".^[1]

As Father suggest, Humility is putting other people’s need above yours. Serving other people with the gift that God has given you. Selflessness! Yun ang term dun. Hahaha tagal ko nakaisip ng term. Pero mahirap yata iapply ang ganitong attitude nowadays. Ang Mundo ngayon puno ng panlalamang. Unahan. “ako muna” attitude. Hindi ako nagnenega. I’m just stating an observation.

Wg kang mange-elam.

After the mass, dumaan lang kami saglit sa Celine. Tingin-tingin. Daming pretty na shoes. La lang share ko lang..

Then straight to Food Court. Hindi naman halatang mahilig talaga akong kumain. Ewan ko ba! Masarap kumain..lalo na yung madaming rice..har har har..tapos ang ulam mo pa sinigang..naku! Guilty ako talaga jan. I’m a sinigang addict. Lalo na kung fish sinigang..T_T sarap! Yung isang friend and officemate ko, nagshare na lang kami sa SINIGANG SA MISO NA MAYA-MAYA. All caps yan kasi literal. Madami talaga yung SINIGANG. I think good for three persons yun. Pero naubos namen yun! Takaw kasi nung kashare ko. Peace friend! :) Ang masarap pa dun, dinurog namen yung siling pula sa sabaw..at ang sasawan namen ay patis na puno ng siling pula!!! Wooaahhh!!! Sarap…hay..hahaha addict! Maiyak-iyak tuloy ako..

After ng dinner, tambay muna kami dun. What I love about dining out is you talked about everything! From the boring to the serious stuffs. you also get first hand information on life. Life experiences that eventually can help you out in life, lalo na kung maencounter mo yung ganung problem. I’m the youngest kasi dito sa office..(sorry can’t reveal my age)..most of my friends sa office are already on their 30’s. (patay ako, nireveal ko ages nila!). may ilang inaamag na rin talaga literally. har har har Bad ko! Kaya sabi nga nila, “marami pa akong kakaining bigas”. When I listen to their stories, I’m really inspired. I also realize a lot of things. Lalo na pag meron kang mga problema. Hindi dapat sineseryoso. Kasi baka mabaliw ka. Huwag ka ring mang-aabala ng kapwa. Problema mo, Problema mo lang!!! Hindi problema ng angkan mo or ng kung sinong Poncio Pilato. You and your problem lang. Huwag ka din magpaapekto. Wag mong gawing excuse ang problem kung palpak ka sa work. Hindi synonymous yun! Tandaan mo! Narerealize ko rin kung ganu kapetty lang ang problema ko..Wala sa kalingkingan ng mga napagdaanan nila. Nature na yata naten talaga. Mahilig tayo sa:

Reklamo.

Grievances.

Whine.

Dak-Dak

Reklamo dito. Reklamo dun. La naming ginagawa to actually improve oneself. We don’t realize na may mga taong mas worst pa ang situation sa aten. Mas mabigat ang dinadalang problema.

Isaisip mo lang yung mga walang-wala. Buti nga tayo, may bahay na inuuwian. Pano yung nakatira lang sa kariton? Kumakain ka 5 beses sa maghapon..Pano na lang kaya yung 1beses lang sa maghapon?

Basta ito ang motto ko sa problema:

“Kung may solusyon ang problema, hindi na dapat pinoproblema kasi may solusyon naman eh..malalaman mo rin yun!

Pero kung wala ng solusyon ang problema, bakit pa poproblemahin? Wala na ngang solusyon eh! Maloka ka lang jan!” hahaha

Kaya I love dining out.

Maraming chikka at kwento.

Iba't-ibang istorya.

Isang tema.

Buhay.

God ALWAYS answers our prayers

"God answers all prayers.."

That is what Father Mario says in one of his sermons

God answers our prayers in 4 ways according to him.

One, He answers by saying "NO!"
No - because the answer is really No and we just would not listen.
We just want to insist something that is really bad for us.


Second, God answers us by saying "NOT NOW"
Meaning its not yet time..God always does things in perfect timing.

Trust Him and He will do the rest.


Third, God answers prayers through "A BETTER PACKAGE"
It always comes with a ribbon and a lace. :)

Lastly, God answers prayers through your "NEED AND FAITH"
It may be that what you are praying for is not something that you really need right now.

"Kapritso lang"..

But most importantly, God answers us when we are ready to receive all His gifts.

Parang ganito: mahirap kayang pagkasyahen ang 1 million piso sa isang maliit na pitaka..Gets ninyo? Another example, if you ask for a car..but you are hot tempered and wreckless, do you think God will answer your prayer for a car. God will always put your safety first. Like our biological Fathers to us.

I think to get the better things, you have to be better. So, if you are at your best, don't you think what will you get? Of course! The BEST din. Di ba? We have to be the best that we are. In mind and spirit. Before we can truly grasps his grace. Because God knows all our needs even before we even ask. So let's not loose hope and faith in God and always believe in his timing.
His perfect Timing.

Always more, No Less

A dog is a man's bestfriend - so they say.
Definitely True. Why did I say that? No matter how bad his owner to him, he still licks his master's hand.

Like our neighbor's dog..

A dog's behavior resembles some of human's trait too.

A wife with an abusive husband.

An employee who stayed for so long in an unfair company.

A girl with a moron boyfriend.

An array of examples.

Martir.

Sa asawa - "akala ko kasi magbabago siya pag kasal na kami"..
Sa loyalty awardee - "masaya kasi ako sa mga kasama ko sa office"..
Sa boyfriend - "mahal ko kasi siya"..

I red somewhere that people tend to be attracted to people who abuse them because in their minds, they feel that they are not worthy themselves. They feel that their situation now is all that they deserve. One point also is that, there is always have that hope in a martyr's heart that the abusive person in their life "might" realize their mistakes or "might" change because of their love.

Maybe that may happened pero hanggang kelan ka magtitiis?

Hoping is okay but what if its false hope?

"Lahat ng bagay may hangganan."

And we should always keep in mind, we only deserve the best there is.

Always more, no Less.

Is it you or is it me?

Its just so sad when people don't seem to realize how they affect other people around them.

They come in different forms. I bet you encountered one of them.

Some of them are really insensitive. Period.

Some are simply dumb. (sorry for the term)

Some are Know it all. (they feel they are so superior)

Most of them are in denial..telling themselves that its not there fault people envy them. But the truth is that, those people don't envy you.

It's more of pity.

Poor you.
Have you not learned anything?

Let us always remember that: As you sow, so shall you reap!